Now, I hardly know it’s there.“How’s work?”“I submerge myself in it,” she replied. “If I didn’t have work, I think I’d go crazy. Maybe I have gone a little crazy.”“Kara — answer me truthfully. Have you been having thoughts or urges to harm yourself?”“Do you mean, suicide?”“That, and others ... like, cutting yourself or binge drinking or taking drugs.”“Adam — I thought you knew me better than that.”“The Kara I used to know would never do any of that.”“I’m still the Kara you used to know. It’s just ... I feel like I’ve been under a dark cloud ever since ... A cloud that doesn’t want to lift.”“Have you considered counseling or therapy?”She rolled her eyes. “There is a counseling service available to us through the union. I wouldn’t want anything to get back...”“The privacy laws now should protect you.”“Should being the operative word. I don’t trust them, Adam.”“What about an outside counselor or therapist?”“I can’t afford to pay them out of pocket and I wouldn’t want it on my insurance. And how fast she would come using it. I even saw her fuck herself while she sucked on my dad's cock.The closest I came to anything giving me the feeling that I thought that they had was when I discovered a brand-new toy in my Mom's headboard. It was a rubber pink rubber dick. It felt heavy and it was a little thicker than Mom's plastic vibrator. I used it one afternoon upstairs while Mom was downstairs cooking supper and baking a cake. I had found that was the best time to watch Mom and Dad's videos, and play around. I would spend a good hour or so upstairs "studying." Seeing if that felt good or if this felt good. I experimented with sex like most kids experiment with other things.So, while other girls my age were home playing with dolls and watching Disney videos, I was playing with my mother's vibrators and body massagers, watching porn tapes in my bedroom on my TV. By age 9 I was accustomed to the feeling of my mother's vibrator inside of me and by age 10 I had stopped returning.
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